I'm drive I can fine osifer
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
