your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm jealous of your bromance
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
