Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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