he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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