I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
