This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
did i just pee glitter
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
