He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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