I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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