it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
