i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
