I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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