Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
