I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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