She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
