So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
