the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize