I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
