Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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