wat bout pragnant strippers??
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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