Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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