I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
