You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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