Michael Bay diarrhea
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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