There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
