Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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