I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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