Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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