Can Purell be used as lube?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
