There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
