I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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