Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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