they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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