Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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