That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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