If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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