: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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