it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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