About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
