Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
