they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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