he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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