you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
