I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
