but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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