I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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