hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
