You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
