this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize