Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
