You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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