OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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