Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
