dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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