you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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