Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
