Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
