You really coming over, don't trick.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
