What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He has the fingertips of a God
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