My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
