He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize