Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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