i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
