do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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