We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
