dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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