dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
