Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and she was petting her beer can
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
