that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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