and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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