Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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