just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
