yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
