I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
