We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
