He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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