How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
