Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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