What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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