FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
