Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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