it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
