i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
