All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
