At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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