He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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