I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize