Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Enjoy the penises
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
