walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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