He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
