I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
