Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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