i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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