Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
