The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
