he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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