I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
