just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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