I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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