why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Say something about gay babies.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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