Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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